Christmas? Oh, No It's Not.

I haven’t celebrated Christmas for about 33 years, as a Buddhist I have always felt it would be hypocritical of me to be part of a different practise for one day just to get presents and have a party. So, every year I get myself organised for a non Christmas time and it can be just as difficult as getting ready for Christmas.

Firstly you have to decide do you want to spend your time at home or go away and if you do leave home do you want to spend the holidays in the United Kingdom or go overseas. This is a really serious question and can impact on everything else. I have done both and had, well not exactly disasters, but strange experiences might cover it. If you go abroad you need to pick a country which doesn’t celebrate Christmas because the whole idea of a non Christmas is to avoid all the Christmassy stuff like carol singing, sickly Christmas films, the Queen’s Speech and bloody Monty the penguin not to mention Jules Holland.  So Morocco is one place I like to visit because it is warm, the food is good, Marrakesh is a magical city, so is Fez and I speak passable French and not a decoration in sight. I did make the mistake of going to Malta for a two week break a few years ago; it is a beautiful place, good food, warm and sunny but I forgot that it is a Catholic country and as soon as I got off the plane I was being offered a guided tour of all the places that had the Nativity and Christmas cribs on display. I was extremely tired and I misheard the words “Christmas cribs”, I thought for some unknown reason, perhaps I was hungry, I was being offered cheesecake, it’s a good thing I didn’t ask what flavours they had!  But that set the tone for my two weeks including a carol service in the lobby of my hotel on Christmas morning which I had to negotiate on the way back to my room after I had been for a swim, no I didn’t want to hark any herald angels thank you as I climbed around sunburnt ladies and elderly gentlemen clutching zimmer frames and hymn sheets to reach the lift.

If you stay inside your own country then you have to be prepared for  a very expensive short break in a hotel which will try to provide every Christmas cliché you could desire because you are away from home and loved ones and the hotelier doesn’t want you to miss all the festivities including karaoke and cabaret that your own family and friends would usually provide for your entertainment on Christmas morning and don’t forget charades!  You have to chose the destination you want quickly and book it early because you cannot leave it to the last minute to book because all the decent hotels will be full and you will miss out on the oversized tree complete with flashing lights and the special Christmas Day dinner of overcooked chicken, 3 roast potatoes and a spoonful of Brussel sprouts. I don’t drive so I have the extra nightmare of having to use public transport to reach the hotel again you must book your train or bus ticket early, not that doing that is any guarantee you will make your journey comfortably or on time. One of my most memorable journeys was a short one from my home in Newport in Wales to Bristol which is about 30 miles away across the border in the West of England. I left Newport on the train about 5pm and did not get to Bristol until 9.30pm. There was snow on the line, which is always guaranteed to stop any train in its track, there were also the dreaded leaves on the track which no good train can travel over and then the Severn Tunnel  flooded, well it had been raining! I decided as I staggered out of an almost deserted Bristol Temple Mead Station that I was never going to leave home again.

Being at home is easier to organise, cheaper and more comfortable. First your entertainment needs must be really carefully considered because you want to block out Christmas and all its minions, I don’t mind watching “The Great Escape”, I will even watch David Lean’s “Christmas Carol” and I do admit to a love of the “Muppet’s Christmas Carol” but that is where I draw the line and everything else must conform to my strict rule of no slushy films, no elves and no tinsel. So, I make a list, usually a short one of the television programmes I want to see and I fill in the gaps with dvds I want to catch up on. Last year I watched the entire “True Blood” series and read a couple of murder mystery books. This year I am getting away from vampires and mayhem and i want to read the historical novels of Hilary Mantell and “Village of Secrets” a Booker Prize winner which sounds interesting, I am still trying to decide what movies or box sets to watch.

I don’t put up decorations, have a tree, send Christmas cards or give presents so I don’t have those pressures on me but I do find I have to fight against the power of advertising which has been sneaking into your brain since October and I admit to finding myself thinking a few days before the 25^th that I can’t live without a coffee maker (I stopped drinking coffee a couple of years ago), a large bottle of Coca Cola (which I never drink on moral grounds), a lobster (I don’t like the taste), a bottle of “Guilty” perfume (I prefer Chanel) and a family size “Glitter Berry Gateau” (it would take me six months to eat a whole one of those by myself) so I have to continually check on myself to make sure I am staying true to my non Christmas self. Somehow, every year I manage to drag myself through the holidays and emerge on the other side feeling proud of myself for having created and lived through another stint of non merriness.

So on that note I want to wish a very non merry Christmas to everyone who reads my blogs and may next year be a better year for us all.